Getting Out of Debt!
Let’s talk about finances. Who am I to talk about finances? A person who made a plan and clawed her way out of $35,000 of debt! And that’s without counting the money me and my husband owed our parents for their help over the years.
We’ve been debt-free for almost a year now and I figured it was time to talk about it.
Skye- how the heck did you get $35K into debt? Oh friend, let me tell you. I was always responsible with my money- truly. I didn’t even own a credit card until I was in my twenties and even when I finally got one, I never used it. I was kind of scared of it. My parents drilled the message into me- if you can’t pay cash, you can’t afford it. I was set.
Buuuuut then life happened really quickly. Fell in love, had a baby, and my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I had no steady career to keep up with it all. Groceries? Credit card. Formula? Credit card. Gas in the car? Credit card. We were swiping our credit card for survival for YEARS, while we finished school, applied for jobs, and tried to figure life out. When I look at it that way, I have no idea how we weren’t further into debt!!
Debt is a heavy, heavy fog that ruins your most sunny days. It’s like you could be enjoying this beautiful moment in your life and everything feels perfect and then you remember what your bank account looks like and it sucks the life out of that moment and any comfort you felt briefly is gone.
As we accrued debt, we also accrued arguments. I can’t even tell you how much stress our finances put on our relationship. If you think you’re in debt, but you’re in a happy relationship- let me tell you how much happier you will be OUT of debt. I don’t think a lot of people realize what a burden debt is and how it seeps into every relationship!
Oh and as we kept going farther into debt, we were reading Dave Ramsey, who is like the “get out of debt” guru. We KNEW we weren’t doing things correctly, but we felt so in debt that it felt hopeless and it took us years to get on the same page with “enough is enough.”
If you find yourself in a lot of debt or a little debt or just wanting to be better with your money, I want to share some things that transformed our finances and our mindset about money.
Your Bank Account Reflects Your Mindset and What You’re Telling Yourself.
Your mindset IS your life. That is not an exaggeration. Read it as many times as you need in order to wrap your head around it. From the things you don’t enjoy to the things you love, your mindset is in control of everything. Even finances.
In order to get your finances in line, you must get your mindset about money in line. Two mindset shifts that I made were: I am done with debt and I live an abundant life. I believe these two things are the foundation for growing financially.
How many times have you told someone “I’m cheap?” Or balked at an expenditure appalled, stating “I’m poor.” Or didn’t get something and said out loud, “That’s too expensive.” These are all affirmations for the kind of life you’re living. I know it sounds all hippy-dippy friends, but if you start to transform these statements, it will start to transform your life.
Quit telling people you’re cheap! We all have different priorities with our money, if eating out at a fancy steak restaurant on Friday nights is not your priority, it doesn’t mean your cheap, it means you like to spend your money somewhere else.
Next time “I’m cheap” pops up into your mind, replace it with “I’m great with my money and that expense is not a priority right now.” The next time you want to say “I’m poor” replace it with “I live an abundant life and money is always flowing towards me.” And saying something is “too expensive,” is just not recognizing its value and that’s ok, but if you’re saying that all the time, does nothing have value to you? Things usually are priced accordingly and respecting that and rising to that is very powerful.
Once you start seeing the world this way your actions follow. It’s really remarkable. Before I had these mindset shifts, I’d feel guilty for buying myself a $10 shirt. I would literally feel like we couldn’t afford it and that it wasn’t worth the $10 in the first place and then, buy the shirt anyway because I kind of liked it. Talk about a defeating mindset!!
Now, I see the value in things. I’ll spend $30 on a shirt and feel good about it. I feel happiness and gratitude when I’m buying things I truly love and plan for. When you are spending money, there should be no guilt attached, if there is, we’ve got some serious work to do on that mindset and that budget! Which brings me to my next point.
You Have to Create a Budget- No Matter How Pointless it Seems.
We were there. Making NO money. Why would we make a budget when we’re in the red each month? There’s not even enough money to go around for a budget. I remember this feeling. It DOES feel pointless. But it must be done.
The first thing you need to do is write out all your expenses. Get real with yourselves. We break our budget into these parts: Bills, Groceries, Gas, Eating Out, Extra Expenses (this is fun money or unplanned house expenses, etc). You can get more specific, but these 5 categories work great for our family. Look at your last month’s spending habits and categorize them. What are the totals at the end of the month?
Now, you need to figure out how to cover your expenses each month. This is where grit and determination kick in.
The first step is figuring out where you can widdle down your expenses. For example, our “extra expenses” category didn’t exist for a long time, because there was no room for extra expenses. Any “extra” went to debt. So get your expenses down to the bare minimum; food, water, shelter, transportation. That’s IT. This is what it takes to live debt-free, people.
After you dwindle down your expenses to the least survivable amount you can spend each month, you need to make sure you make that much money. This is a literal decision. I KNOW life pulls you in a hundred different directions each day. I KNOW you have no more extra time, but where can you make the sacrifice to earn extra money? Remember this is NOT forever, this is short term to better your family’s financial status and uplevel your life. Don’t think about what you’re giving up, think about what you’re working towards!
What I’m saying guys is that you have to earn more money! You may have to cut childcare and work nights, you may have to reconsider multi-level-marketing companies, you may have to give up your weekends to clean houses, you may have to downsize, you may have to sell your fancy car for just a regular car that works. Where there is a will, there is a way! Figure. It. Out.
Budget. Make enough money to cover the budget. Build from there.
You and Your Significant Other Have to be on the Same Page!
Holy moly, I cannot stress this enough. If you are in a serious relationship, the first two points of this post have no value unless you are both working on them and doing this thing together. One person cannot carry two people out of debt and into financial abundance. It is a thing you MUST do together.
Sidenote- Our life seemed to really get rolling once I wrapped my head around this concept of teamwork! Haha! It was like it hit me straight in the face one day after years of marriage, like “Wait a minute, he’s got goals and I’ve got goals. What if we share goals and attack them together? That’s TWO people working towards ONE goal!! Genius!” And people working on one collective goal together will always outpower one person working towards something. Little life-nugget for you. Ok back to what I was saying.
You and your special someone MUST have the same financial goals. It’s non-negotiable. James and I fought this battle for a couple of years. We’d go through phases where we were both on the same page and then one of us would fall off and the other wouldn’t hold that person accountable and before we knew it, we were right back to where we had started months ago.
Ok, so how do you make sure you’re on the same page? You have to have financial meetings with each other. People with great hair and great skin- take care of their hair and skin. People with great finances- take care of their finances. It really is a simple concept if we let it be. Do not feel weird or old, because you’re sitting down to talk about money with your spouse. It is necessary if you’d like to live a long, happy, abundant life together.
Talking about finances does not have to be miserable. Set expectations before your conversations. Each person has to hear the other one out. Both of your concerns matter. Even if your partner’s concerns make no sense to you, the fact that it means enough to your spouse to bring it up- matters.
The first few “meetings,” may end up being emotional, some hard stuff will probably come up besides finances. A lot of times, crappy finances are the symptom of a deeper issue. Not to scare you or anything, I have faith you’ll all be able to figure it out!
Some expectations that might be helpful: This is not an argument. You are on the same page, working towards the same goal for a better financial situation. No raising voices. No distractions (phones and children should be in bed, ha), dedicate the time needed (for us about an hour works), and I believe when you’re just starting out on this journey you should “meet” weekly specifically about finances. When one person slips up, there needs to be forgiveness and accountability. You both need to go back to your why for the reasons you want and need financial freedom and then you start again on the same page. You do this over and over and over again, with kindness and you’ll get to where you want to be, promise.
Use Resources! You Don’t Have to Fight this Battle Alone.
My number one recommendation for getting out of debt is utilizing the life-knowledge from Dave Ramsey. He has written numerous books about getting out of debt, he’s also inspiring to follow on Instagram and that can give you a daily reminder to stay the course, he’s got a podcast that will pump you up, and he offers a community that helps you realize, you are not alone in this debt struggle and journey to get out of it! There is so much hope!!!
The book of his I recommend is Total Money Makeover. This is a great launching point for you and your significant other to get on the same page. If you both read the book, you both have the same plan and understanding!
I would like to be clear that I do not enjoy reading about money or crunching numbers, but if you ignore your finances they pretty much ignore you and that’s a lose-lose situation. You have to give attention to the money in your life. Total Money Makeover is so easy to read and understand and gives you a literal step by step plan to claw your way out of debt! I cannot recommend it enough.
There are tons of money apps, budget apps, investing apps, podcasts, books, friends, family that can help you through this transition in your life. Make sure you do not go it alone!!
Most Importantly- YOU Are the Reason You Are In Debt!
The only way we can bring about true change is if we face the man in the mirror. Whatever your situation, I need you to realize you’re the cause of it. Yes, things happen out of our control, but how we respond and pivot is totally dependent upon us.
If you are married and trying to get your finances on track, the last thing you need to do is be pointing the finger at your spouse. I learned this the hard way. The second you start taking responsibility for your role in your financial drudgery is the second the other person does the same.
You will not get out of debt if you cannot take responsibility for it. I repeat: You will NOT get out of debt if you CANNOT take responsibility for it.
My husband and I started with a “day at a time,” rule. That breaks your whole entire financial goal into one day. I can handle not eating out today. I can handle not buying something off of Amazon today. I can handle working my extra shift today. I can handle another peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch today. I can handle driving the old car that gets me where I need to go today. I can handle a financial conversation with grace today.
All we need to focus on is today. Doesn’t that feel doable?
This post was waiting in the wings for me to write, because once you cross over to a debt-free lifestyle it will be so hard to ever go back into debt! The amount of freedom I feel each day is true bliss. Seeing the numbers in our bank account and knowing that’s all ours is something that I could have only dreamt of not so long ago. We don’t even own credit cards guys. I want that for you.
Here’s to money management and abundance!
Always rooting for you, friends!